“If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either”
Do you love yourself?
A wise sage once said “if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you?” and yet many people still think it’s narcissistic to love oneself.
I have clients who want to improve their confidence and self esteem and yet they have no belief in their own worth and many of them have attracted a partner who abuses them verbally, emotionally or even physically. They constantly suffer streams of criticism because they somehow believe they deserve it.
People who suffer abuse may do so for many reasons. For instance they may have been so used to abuse and criticism as a child they never felt worthy or good; they may have done something for which they still feel guilty or ashamed and subconsciously seek punishment; they may have lived in a home where the parents never showed them how to be confident and strong or where they received no love or they may be suffering abuse from another because it gives them the opportunity to be seen as the “good” one in the relationship – a chance to be a martyr.
These people often think of themselves as the victim in the relationship but I would say both parties living this pattern are just as scarred as one another.
Victim number one is the perpetrator of the abuse. Why does he or she need to put other people down? Perhaps it’s the only way they feel in control, perhaps they have such low self esteem that they have to criticise others to feel better about themselves. One thing is for sure: they are very low in self-esteem and they’re very insecure. If you have high self esteem and you feel secure in yourself you don’t have to put someone else down to feel better about yourself. You don’t always have to be right or have everything go your way.
Victim number two is seen as the ‘weaker’ member of this type of relationship although that isn’t always so. They are seen as the doormat for the stronger party to wipe their boots upon.
It’s very sad that people choose to treat one another in abusive ways and if you are either the perpetrator or the receiver of abuse or consistent criticism, do consider finding a way to improve your self-estimate, your self-love and thereby your peace of mind.
The difference between loving yourself and narcissism is this: Loving yourself healthily is when you recognise that you are doing your best; you’re a good person at heart and you are proud of the way you treat yourself and others. Loving yourself in an unhealthy way is when you boast endlessly about your achievements, constantly upstage others and think you’re better than they are.
With love
Bee
